Disowned, thrown out by family because of HIV
By Farida Mwangi
Naturally, human beings seek support of close family members and relatives whenever faced with calamities. And this is what Zakia Yusuf, 40, hoped for upon testing HIV positive seven years ago.
What awaited her was utter shock and people she was counting on for hope and support were nowhere to be seen let alone wish to associate with her.
The stigma is so real and trails her like her shadow such that people in her community talk about her in hushed tones wherever she goes.
In a community known to harbour reservations and coming to terms with the HIV reality, Zakia’s situation is not unique. It is common knowledge that Muslims living with the virus are facing the worst sort of discrimination due to their condition.
With the commemoration of the World AIDS Day in December 1st every year, Zakia’s bold move to come out and disclose her status is a wake up call to Muslims that they need to change tact to combat HIV.
“My predicament began when I tested positive after frequent on and off sickness. But through the help of a friend, I was introduced to Lihara Health Project in Kibera and was counselled and later tested. Upon discovering my status, I accepted my condition as this was the first step in the long journey of living positive under medication,” begins Zakia.
Mum kicked her out of home
“Barely months of getting to terms with my condition, I had not yet disclosed my status to my immediate family members and relatives. However, word got around to my mother that I was ailing from the ‘big disease’ and that was the start of stigmatisation.”
Zakia’s mum was furious, cried and even went as far as ridiculing her in front of other family members and this literally broke her. “Unaona ile shida Zakia ameleta? (Can you see the problems that Zakia has brought this family?),” Her mum taunted her.
Basically, they were afraid that I was going to become a burden to them,” says Zakia.
What followed next was Zakia’s lowest moment in life as her mum did what she never expected. “Can you imagine that my own mother kicked me and my only child out of her house?”
Zakia was told to go and find elsewhere to live despite protests from other family members against her (mum’s) decision.
Having lost her dad several years back, Zakia was stranded. She was jobless, ailing and with a child to fend for.
“The only person who came to my rescue was grand mum (now deceased). She had several rental rooms and offered to shelter me,” says Zakia.
When Zakia moved to her grand mum’s rental houses, she was welcomed by her sister who was also living there along with her children. What followed surprised Zakia.
“The same uneasiness that I witnessed from my mum was played back with my sister. She was uneasy about my presence there having been informed of my status.”
Zakia’s grand mum was quick to note the uneasiness and opted to transfer Zakia to different house. “Grand mum was a wise woman and quickly noted what I was going through and offered a different place.”
Post-Test group
Having settled and now with a peace of mind, Zakia through the help of a fellow Muslim woman joined a HIV Post-Test group where she found many like her. It is through sharing experiences within the group that they gave each other strength and hope to live to see another day.
“It is here that I got courage after different women in the post-test group narrated their ordeal through stigmatisation from friends, family members, relatives and the community in general.”
In fact this post-test group became Zakia’s adopted family. “What I liked about my ‘adopted family’ was that doctors, health workers, trainers among others visited the group and each imparted different skills that have made me to be whom I am today. I can proudly declare that I have been empowered and trained as a Community Health Worker,” says Zakia.
How child is fairing
It is through such trainings that Zakia is often called to give health talks in workshops and forums in different parts of Kibera and Nairobi. It is from participating from these forums that have seen her able to fend for herself.
When asked about how her child is coping with her condition, Zakia says: “He is 13 years and very understanding. Despite what we have gone through together, he is supportive though I am yet to disclose my status to him. I have also taken him for HIV test, which he turned negative, so as to take the necessary precaution. Meanwhile, I always advise him to take care of himself, that life has ups and downs, sickness and health. I also thank God that he is very obedient and always spending most of his time at the mosque and madrassa.”
Zakia’s son has also given her strength. “He is always concerned about my health at times reminding me to take medication and helps me with house hold chores.”
Family now wants to associate with me
Though Zakia’s immediate family members had long written her off or even hoped she would die, they have been taken aback by her resolve in life.
“I am always up and about attending workshops, seminars, weddings and funerals just to mention but a few. Life is as normal as any other person’s. My immediate family members thought I was going to be a burden and are now realizing they made a mistake to cut me out. In fact, they now want to associate with me.”
From Zakia’s vast experience in interacting with Muslims affected by HIV/AIDS, Marhaba also sought to know from her how Muslims are putting up in the face of HIV/AIDS. Zakia reveals a sorry state that Muslims are in.
“Stigma is rife among Muslims as many tend to associate it with zina (adultery and promiscuity). And so if status is disclosed as positive, many Muslim families shroud it in secrecy. Thus do not be surprised that upon enquiring on the progress of a Muslim who is ailing to be told that so and so is tired, sleeping among other excuses.”
Way forward for Muslims
What Marhaba learnt was that many Muslims are ‘hidden’ in homes and only taken for medication when their situation gets worse. “Others test positive but cannot disclose their status to those they are living with for fear of stigmatisation.”
According to Zakia, the way forward for Muslims is to seek knowledge on HIV and be tested. “When one embarks on Home Based Care, that is when you get the real picture. Therefore, Muslims should come out, talk and seek help. HIV/AIDS is not only spread through sex but other ways.” She also advices Muslims that most organisations assisting in the fight against HIV/AIDS are always willing to help.
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