By Iddi Musyemi
It is no secret among some Muslim communities that when the month of Ramadhan is about to start, the number of marriage vows exchanged increase dramatically. These marriages are commonly referred to as “ndoa za uji” (literally translated as “marriages of porridge” in reference to the role of the woman in preparing iftar for the man during Ramadhan). These are essentially marriages of convenience. In this marriage a man and woman come together into a ‘marriage institution’ for an agreed period of time which could be a week, month, a year and so forth.
During Ramadhan, such marriages can be month long or may be even longer.
For starters, it must be clear that not all marriage vows taken before or during Ramadhan symbolize a marriage of convenience. Marriage as an institution is held in high regard in Islam as it’s considered part of Ibaadat (worship). In fact, it is said that when an individual marries, then he/she has accomplished half of deen (religion).
Being a hotly contested topic and one most likely to spark a lot of debate, Marhaba went to gauge the take of Muslims on this matter. While others seem to relate marriages of convenience to something akin to Mut’a marriages, others do not seem to differentiate the two.
Marhaba had an exclusive interview with Sheikh Juma Amir who is Deputy Imam of Jamia Mosque, Nairobi and an expert on marriage issues. Sheikh Amir, is strongly against such marriages of convenience and says those engaging in them are those who cohabit with women/men and try to ‘legalise’ the marriages come Ramadhan. “These individuals do not understand Islam,” Amir says.
“Zina (fornication) is haram whether in Ramadan or not, thus people should always fear Allah. Ramadhan is just a month and it will pass, but Allah is there every other day or month.
Marriages of convenience defeat the purpose of marriage as an institution which is to set a strong foundation for a family.
Thus those engaging in such go against the teachings of Islam. In fact, the Holy Prophet (SAW) outlawed marriages of convenience,” adds Amir.
Sheikh Abdullatif AbdulKarim, the chairman of Family Resource Centre (FRC) at Jamia Mall, Nairobi shares that there are no such marriages in Islam. “Technically, an Islamic marriage is deemed legal after the consent of a wali (guardian/parents) and witnessed by two persons. A marriage of convenience does not meet such criteria.”
From Mombasa, Sheikh Said Ali the Deputy Head Teacher at Abu Hureira Academy says that Islam has laid down very elaborate procedures on how to formalise marriages. On top of which, comprehensive rules and regulations are laid down to enable the marriage institution to succeed.
Taking us down memory lane to the days of the Holy Prophet (SAW) through a hadith narrated by Ali (R.A), Sheikh Ali says that the Prophet (S.A.W) forbade Mut’a marriages on the day of the battle of Khaybar.
“Marriage in Islam is for a couple to settle down, and if blessed with children, raise them up. At the end of the day, marriages of convenience do not allow a couple to settle down and raise children. It just results in the demeaning of women,” says Ali.
Sheikh Ali acknowledges that Muslim youth make a considerable number of the culprits engaging in marriages of convenience. “They have Islamised the ‘come we stay marriages’ and only to keep off (the marriages) during Ramadhan.”
“This is something that has been going on among Muslim men as they bear the greatest responsibility for perpetuating this kind of arrangements through their womanising tendencies,” says Sophia Ibrahim a receptionist in Nairobi. “They are simply running away from responsibilities,” she adds bitterly.
Saadia Yussuf, 48 from Garissa shares that people rushing to ‘halilisha’ (legalise) marriages create suspicion that they have been in a ‘come we stay’ arrangement. She says, “Do not wait till Ramadhan for you to marry. It creates suspicion that you have been living together.”
Fatuma Juma notes that these kinds of marriages are unpredictable if a person’s aim of marrying is not clear. “Do not be surprised to find secret nikkas being conducted in the name of marriage.”
Fatuma advises Muslims to go an extra mile to interrogate the backgrounds of their to-be- spouses as per the Prophet’s (SAW) teachings to avoid disappointment.
Sheikh Abdullatif AbdulKarim notes that there are those men who take advantage of widows facing tough economic times. “Widows are also victims and sadly, they are usually desperate. In short, marriages of convenience are just dhulma (oppression) to widows and women in general. It is not acceptable.”
Young men, usually bachelors opt for marriages of convenience as they can be assured of a ‘hot meal’ the entire month of Ramadhan. A reader who wishes to be referred to as Issa, confides to Marhaba that single Muslim men face challenges in putting up a ‘square meal’ during Ramadhan. “Personally, I used to rush to mosques offering Iftar. Through a marriage of convenience, I can concentrate on my Ibaadat (worship) without necessarily worrying about iftar and suhur (daku).”
However, marriages of convenience seem not to be a preserve of young men. Sophia Ibrahim discloses a disturbing fact that Muslim women are today living with non-Muslims. “Just like their Muslim male counterparts, their ‘marriages’ are put on hold when Ramadan sets in,” she says.
Sophia attributes to the nature of women as their downfall. “A woman by nature is weak and gets caught up out of the good intentions of wishing to settle down. They end up falling victim to marriages of convenience.”
She also attributes other causes to peer pressure, high expectations, financial gains and lack of patience.
Asha Abdi, 22 from Maseno University in Kisumu shares that women believe that to get to a man’s heart is through food and are therefore willing to cook for men hoping they will propose. “Muslim girls complain of strictness and control of parents. They will seek freedom when the slightest opportunity beckons,” she adds.
Abdullahi Wesamba a youth officer at Young Muslim Association, Nairobi says that Muslim youth have adopted Western lifestyles due to lack of knowledge or ignorance on Islamic matters.
He also blames those holding on to their traditional values more than Islamic teachings. “The youth need information and should not be blamed. It could be that some scholars are sleeping on their jobs. They are not providing daawa (propagation) to sensitize the youth.”
If anything is to go by, listening to Iqra FM’s Saturday morning show, Deen and Dunia on July 30, 2011 hosted by Noor Said and his guest Ustadh Mohammad Omar Abdallah on the same topic, I could not help noticing readers calling in just to register their displeasure about these marriages.
Sheikh Juma Amir concludes by warning Muslims that marriages of convenience have no place in Islam and refers to such marriages as ‘ndoa za kihuni’.
Reaping the Benefits of Ramadhan
In the month of Ramadan it is very important that we spend a few moments to understand some of the wisdoms and lessons that we can learn from this month of fasting. Unfortunately, many Muslims come in to this month and they are as a companion of the Prophet (SAW) said: “Let it not be that the day that you fast and the day that you breakfast be equal.” Meaning one’s behaviour, attitude and outlook are the same whether one fasts or not, i.e. fasting has no effect upon that person. This is why we need to reflect on some of these lessons.
By Ali Al-Tamimi
LESSON 1: Gaining Taqwa (piety)
Allah legislated fasting for gaining Taqwa,
“O you who believe, fasting has been prescribed upon you as it has been prescribed upon those before you, so that you may attain Taqwa.” (meaning of Suratul Baqarah (2):183)
Taqwa in this case means to make a shield between oneself and Allah’s anger and Hellfire. So we should ask ourselves, when we break our fasts, ‘Has this fasting day made us fear Allah more? Has it resulted that we want to protect ourselves from the hellfire or not?
LESSON 2: Drawing closer to Allah
This is achieved by reciting and reflecting on the Qur’an during night and day, attending the tarawih prayers, remembering Allah, sitting in circles of knowledge and, for those who can, making `umrah. Also for those who can, making I`tikaf (seclusion) in the last ten nights of Ramadhan, so as to leave all worldly pursuits and seclude oneself in a masjid just thinking of Allah, so as to bring oneself closer to Allah.
When one sins, one feels distant from Allah. That is why one might find it hard to read the Qur’an and come to the masjid. However, the obedient worshipper feels closer to Allah and wants to worship Allah more, because he is not shy from his sins.
LESSON 3: Acquiring patience and strong will
Allah has mentioned patience more than seventy times in the Qur’an and has commanded patience in more than sixteen ways in His Book. So when one fasts, and gives up one’s food and drink, and one’s marital sexual relations for those hours, one learns restraint and patience.
This Ummah needs men and women that are strong willed, who can stand upon the Sunnah and the Book of Allah and not waver in front of the enemies of Allah. We do not need emotional people, who just raise slogans and shout, but when the time comes to stand upon something firm, they cannot do so, they waver.
LESSON 4: Striving for Ihsan (righteousness and sincerity) and staying away from riya’ (showing off)
Ihsan means to worship Allah as if one sees Him, and even though one does not see Him, He sees all. Hasan al-Basri said, “By Allah, in the last twenty years, I have not said a word or taken something with my hand or refrained to take something with my hand or stepped forth or stepped back, except that I have thought before I have done any action, ‘Does Allah love this action? Is Allah pleased with this action?’
So when one is fasting, one should gain this quality of watching oneself and also staying away from riya’ (showing off). That is why Allah said in a hadith qudsi, “Fasting is for Me and I reward it.” (al-Bukhari) Allah singles out fasting from all other types of worship saying, “Fasting is for Me”, because no one knows whether you are fasting or not, except Allah. For example, when one is praying or giving charity or making tawaf, one can be seen by the people, so one might do the action seeking the praise of the people.
Sufyan al-Thawri used to spend the nights and the days crying and the people used to ask him, “Why do you cry, is it due to the fear of Allah? He said, ‘No.’ They said, “Is it due to the fear of the Hellfire?” He said, ‘No. It is not the fear of Hellfire that makes me cry, what makes me cry is that I have been worshipping Allah all these years and doing scholarly teaching, and I am not certain that my intentions are purely for Allah.’”
LESSON 5: Refinement of manners, especially those related to truthfulness and discharging trusts.
The Prophet (SAW) said, “Whoever does not abandon falsehood in word and action, then Allah has no need that he should leave his food and drink.” (al-Bukhari) What we learn from this, is that we must pay attention to the purification of our manners.
The Prophet (SAW) said, “was sent to perfect good manners.” (Malik) So we must check ourselves, are we following the behaviour of the Prophet (SAW)? For example: Do we give salaam to those we don’t know and those we do know? Do we follow the manners of Islam, by telling the truth and only telling the truth? Are we sincere? Are we merciful to the creation?
LESSON 6: Recognizing that one can change for the better
The Prophet (SAW) said, “Every son of Adam sins and the best of the sinners are those who repent.” (Ibn Majah) Allah provides many opportunities to repent to Him and seek His forgiveness. If one was disobedient they can become obedient.
LESSON 7: Being more charitable
Ibn `Abbas said, “The Prophet (SAW) was the most charitable amongst the people, and he used to be more so in the month of Ramadhan when Jibril used to meet him on every night of Ramadhan till the end of the month.” (al-Bukhari) The Prophet (SAW) said, “He who gives food for a fasting person to break his fast, he will receive the same reward as him, without nothing being reduced from the fasting person’s reward.” (at-Tirmidhi)
LESSON 8: Sensing the unity of the Muslims
The Prophet (SAW) said, “.Those of you who will live after me will see many differences. Then you must cling to my Sunnah and the Sunnah of the rightly guided khalifahs. Hold fast to it and stick to it.” (Abu Dawud) In this month we sense that there is a possibility for unity, because we all fast together, we breakfast together, we all worship Allah together, and we pray Salatul-Eid together.
Therefore we sense that the unity of possible. It is possible for Muslims to be a single body, but this will only be achieved when obedience is only to Allah and His Messenger.
LESSON 9: Learning discipline
The Prophet (SAW) made us adhere to discipline and strictness, strictness that does not lead to fanaticism or going outside the bounds that Allah has laid down. One cannot knowingly break the fast before the sunset, as this will not be accepted by Allah. Muslims should learn to be very strict in their lives, because they are people of an important message, which they mold their lives around.
LESSON 10: Teaching the young to worship Allah
It was the practice of the people of Madina that during the fast of `Ashura (which is now a recommended fast of one day) to get their children to fast with them. When the children would cry of hunger and thirst, their parents would distract their attention by giving them some sort of toy to play with. The children would break their fast with their parents. (as mentioned in al-Bukhari).
So the young should be brought to the masjid and they should pray with their parents, so that they are able to get into the habit of becoming worshippers of Allah. If one does not encourage children to fast when they are young, they will find it very difficult to fast for thirty days at the age of puberty. This is why the Prophet (SAW) said, “Command your children to pray at the age of seven and beat them at the age of ten ( if they do not pray).” (Hakim)
LESSON 11: Caring for one’s health
Fasting has many medical benefits and it teaches Muslims to take care of their health and too build strong bodies. The Prophet (SAW) said, “A strong believer is better and is more beloved to Allah than a weak believer, and there is good in everyone.” (Muslim)
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