Marriage In The Nubian Community

The Bride.(photos)...

One of the outstanding characteristics of the genre in the 21st century is the eradication of tradition in all events and ceremonies undertaken. In Kenya, the most admirable thing about Maasai's and Nubian's is the steadfast adherence of their cultural traditions. Marriage is one rite of life, which many girls look forward to with such eagerness and excitement. In the days of yore, being a strictly Islamic community, a girl was chosen for the boy to marry. There was absolutely no socializing among the youth, thus the intended couple never saw or met each other until their wedding night. But now, with times changing drastically, we don't let our parents choose our spouses for us. Rather, we make our own choices. When the couple have decided they want to get married, the man writes a letter to the girls parents, to ask them for their daughters hand in marriage. The man's family will appoint a negotiator, who will undertake the task of meetings between the two families and taking decisions to the girl's side. In this case the negotiator is normally from the man's paternal side. The negotiator is referred to as Aja Witt. When the girl's parents receive the letter, they then contemplate the news. They then ask the girl whether she agrees to the man's proposal. If she agrees, the parents now decide upon the bride price, referred to as SELA. Sela consists of ;·-A jora 30 meters of material from which the parents will make their clothes, e.g. a Kanzu for the girls father and a dress for the girl's mother.·-Some money of which amount is decided upon by both families.·-Simsim seeds and simsim oil,·-Maize flour, baking flour and wheat flour.·-Sugar and rice·-Cooking oil and paraffin oil,·-Tomatoes, onions and various cooking spices (or instead an amount of money to buy these items after the marriage)·-Some money to hire a special old lady who is specialized in plaiting the brides hair; She is called a Masata.·-The brides wedding outfit - A large colourful traditional Nubian garment known as a Gurbaba (normally tied at the waist in gathers, which covers her leg up to her ankle, worn with a loose dress over it and then the lady ties a long sari-like cloth around her, thus this completes the Nubian outfit) , a white loose dress to be worn with the gurbaba, a long sari- like cloth and sandals. Normally all these items are brought in twos or threes so that the girls mother can take one of every item for herself.·-A blanket, lessos, birish and any other item for the girl's grandmother. After all this is decided upon and agreements reached, the man's family sends the negotiator to state which date they want the wedding to be held. Normally, weddings are held in three days ; Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

THURSDAY This is the day that the Sela is taken over to the girls place by the man's female relatives- his sisters, cousins and sisters-in-law. Both families prepare small Nubian delicacies called Mkati Kuta-also known as Mandazi or mhamri with lots of tea to entertain their various guests.Normally the sela is done during the afternoon, anytime after the Dhuhri prayers. The selected girls from the man';s side carry the sela luggage to the man's side. An old wives tale has it that the people carrying the sela are not supposed to look behind or put the things down until they reach the girl's homestead, as that will bring bad luck to the newly-weds. There is a place spread with Nubian carpets known as Birish where all the sela is put. The girl's grandmothers and her paternal aunties will go through the sela to make sure everything has been brought. If everything is in order, the sela is then given to the bride's sisters and sisters-in-law to arrange inside the house. The girl's grandmother normally gets a blanket, Birish, gurbaba and any other gift from the intended groom. The bride's sisters and female relatives then serve the man's family with the tea and delicacies. Later, after this celebration, the girls family go back to their homestead to prepare themselves to go back to the grooms home in the evening with a special decoration dye called Henna, to decorate the groom, the groomsmen and the grooms family. This is done in the evening, after the Maghrib prayers. During this time, when the girls; relatives arrive, they are asked to identify the intended groom, among all the groomsmen who are all covered with large clothes at that time. There is much jostling, happiness and playful teasing of both families. The Henna is applied to the groom and his groomsmen by an old lady designated for that task. During this time, the traditional Nubian songs are sung to the accompaniment of the drums; Doluka.

FRIDAY Friday is the day that the exchange of vows is normally done, due to the Islamic community. Early in the morning, after Fajr prayers, she will begin to be decorated. A special old lady, who is specialized in plaiting bride's hair, will begin plaiting her hair in the traditional bridal hairstyle known as Makaraka or Ki-arus. A small fringe is left at the front of her hair, in which a decoration called Weji and a small red thread called Thiki is put. She will have been decorated the previous day with hinna and a darker dye called Peacock, on her arm and hands, plus her feet and legs. After being plaited, She will be bathed in scented water, to ensure that she goes to her husband clean and pure. After her bath, she applies scented oils all over her body. Her face will be made up with make-up, to transform a plain girl into a truly astounding princess! She will then be donned with beaded on her neck, wrists, ankles and waist. She is then dressed in the full Nubian bridal outfit. What luxurious treatment fit for a queen!!! At the end, she truly looks like a fairy tale Nubian princess!! During the morning, food is prepared at the girls; home for the prayers and duas after the Nikkah at the mosque. At one p.m, the groom, his groomsmen, the man's male relatives and all the male relatives of the girl go to the Mosque for the Dhuhri prayer, after which the exchange of vows (Nikkah) will take place. According to Islamic teachings, the bride's brother is the one to hand her over to her intended husband. If he is not present or she does not have a brother, then a cousin from her fathers side will do that task. A Sheikh or Chief Khadhi performs the Nikkah. The brides brother holds the hand of the groom while the Nikkah is being performed. Both sides witness this. The Khadhi gives a lot of advice on how to conduct themselves as a Muslim married couple. The couple is advised to take care of each other in health and sickness, in good times and bad, for better or worse, to love and cherish each other. After this ceremony is over, food is brought to the mosque, where the men eat and celebrate the cementation of the two families. After eating, the groom and his groomsmen are escorted to the brides place with decorations, drumbeats and singing while being shaded with umbrellas held by the grooms female relatives. At the brides place, spices are ground and put at the back of the brides hair,its called Sumuk. When the groom arrives at the brides homestead, they are greeted with a lot of ululations and joy. The groom uncovers the bride to ascertain that she is indeed the love of his life, his life partner. The groom then cuts 7 reeds that have been twisted on the waist beads of the bride, to signify that her girlhood is now over and she has been initiated into womanhood. She then greets the groom and his groomsmen to acknowledge them. All this while, songs ululations and drumbeats are going on. After this, duas and prayers are offered to bless the couple, their union and their future life together. The groom then declares that the girl has now become his beloved wife and decides upon which time he wants her to be brought to her new home. Normally she is escorted in the evening under the cover of darkness so as to hide her from the prying eyes of the public. In the evening, when she is ready to be taken to the grooms home, she is donned with a long black bui-bui and completely covered with a black garment. Her paternal aunties and female relatives escort her. Her mother doesnt escort her. When they reach the door of the homestead, the aunties perform a ceremony known as Matambiko. They sprinkle water at the entrance of the home to ward of any evil spirits and to bless the home. The bride is then requested to step on an egg while saying some duas. The groomsmen then carry her into the couple's bedroom where the groom is seated on a mattress, which is beautifully decorated, ready to receive his bride. The groomsmen then lift the bride and put her on her grooms legs, then lift her again 7 times. After this event, the groom then washes her feet, welcoming her to her new home. Her paternal aunties then officially hand over the bride to her new husband. They are then left alone to enjoy their wedding night and get to know each other better. Meanwhile, celebrations are still going on. Nowadays, some people prefer to have Taarab dances on Friday, and the Doluka on Saturday.

SATURDAY On Saturday morning, a special meal is cooked at the grooms place to welcome the brides family. This ceremony signifies the coming together of the two families.It is normally eaten at lunchtime. At about four o'clock, the bride's relatives take the Derira (a mixture of spices and oil) to the grooms place. At this time they are seated at the place where the traditional dance will be held. While the drums are being played, a special lady will apply the derira on the grooms head and also on his groomsmen's heads. This special lady is called Race. The wedding dance then starts. The guests wear different designs and colours of cloths to differentiate which side they represent the grooms or the brides. But in essence, they are now one big family. The dance goes on until morning.

Later, at the newlyweds home, the bride is now getting used to her new home. An old lady known as a Wuzir, is designated to help her cook and handle her domestic duties for a week. The lady will also teach her how to handle her new house and take good care of her husband. After 7 days a ceremony is held to signify that she is now ready to stand on her own in her new home. She is given a pan to mock cooking, a tool to mock cutting wood, a bucket to fetch water, a sweep to sweep the house, all to signify that she has learnt her domestic duties. Her sister-in-law supervises her to ensure she will be a good wife. Food is then cooked by the brides mother and taken to the grooms grandfather and uncles to establish a family bond. If the bride so wishes, the Wuzir can stay on for 40 days to continue helping her with the domestic duties. If the bride and groom so wish, they can now go on a honeymoon.